Healthy Relationships

After leaving an abusive relationship, learning to trust your judgement feels impossible. It's likely that you've never been taught what a healthy relationship looks like, just an unhealthy one. This page aims to educate on the red, green and pink flags of relationships, helping you feel more prepared and able to trust yourself.

Red Flags

Red flags are subtle warning signs that a relationship is not healthy. This can be an individual action, but is more commonly a pattern of repeated behaviours. If you notice red flags in a relationship, it is important to protect your well-being, set boundaries, and re-evaluate the relationship

Examples of red flags can include:

Love Bombing - This is where things move so quickly, and the abuser does so much for their partner, it can cause them to feel indebted to the abuser, making it difficult to set boundaries and say no. Additionally, you cannot fully evaluate the relationship before making big decisions.

Being unable to admit when they are wrong - This is often an indicator of gaslighting, manipulation and boundary-crossing. It is often associated with coercive control, as they will twist the truth to match their version of the story.

Crossing boundaries and not taking "no" for an answer - This is often an indicator of manipulation and coercive control. It can very easily lead to various types of abuse, including sexual abuse, coercive control and financial abuse.

Talking negatively about people you care about - This links to coercive control and emotional abuse, as they will make someone feel bad about interacting with their friends, family and coworkers. This type of behaviour often leads to isolation, facilitating further abuse.

Lying - When someone regularly lies or lies by omission, even about minor things, it brings into question their trustworthiness as they show that they have the ability to twist the truth, potentially manipulate people.

Weaponised Incompetence - This is when someone pretends to be bad at a task or unable to do it, so others will take over. It is an indicator of coercive control and manipulation, and if it is not dealt with, it can lead to resentment and the breakdown of a relationship.

Pink Flags

A pink flag is a behaviour that warrants concern. Usually, this type of behaviour is a one-off, but it can also be a pattern. If the person doesn’t change their behaviour after being spoken to about it, this becomes a red flag. At this point, it becomes necessary to set boundaries and re-evaluate the relationship.

Examples of pink flags can include:

Actions that don't match their words - While it is important to note that this inconsistency can be accidental rather than a sign of a potential abusive partner, when it is intentional, it can err into manipulation, as they never intended to follow through on their word.

Prioritising something else over the relationship - While it is essential for both parties in a relationship to have their own interests, if something is constantly taking up all their attention, it warrants caution, especially if the behaviour has been spoken about and not resolved.

Past Behaviour - If someone has a history of things such as cheating, domestic violence, a volatile temper or being an online troll, this warrants caution, as while people can change, it is something they have proven they are capable of doing.

Road Rage - How someone treats people they don't know on the road definitely warrants caution as, if they treat someone they don't know in such a way, what could they do to a partner?

How they treat children and pets- If someone has a hatred of, or is deliberately negative towards, dependents, it is a pink flag, especially if you yourself have or want them. Additionally, being overly and inappropriately friendly with children also warrants caution as this could be a sign of something more sinister.

What their friend group is like - If someone is unable to keep friends or has high friendship turnover, this is a pink flag, as it could be innocent, but it could also be related to how they treat their friends and who they are.

Green Flags

Green flags are signs that a relationship is healthy and works for the people involved. It also indicates that both parties are safe people and are able to be trusted

Examples of green flags can include:

Respects and has boundaries - This is a sign of emotional maturity and respect for others and themselves.

Active listening - This shows that they are actually interested in what someone says, especially if they remember the details

Has a genuine interest in and wants to spend time with you - This should not be obsessive, and each party should have their own interests, but it usually lays the groundwork for a healthy relationship.

Empathy - Empathy refers to the ability to understand and feel other people's emotions.

Open and honest communication - This shows general and emotional maturity. When people are willing to communicate, especially when things go wrong or the conversation is difficult, it allows for problems to be resolved and everyone to be happier.

Has their own interests and life - This shows that they are not dependent on their partner and are confident doing their own thing. This is only a green flag when they still have a genuine interest in their partner.