Why don't they leave?
This is a question that victims of domestic abuse hear all the time.
In reality, it is rarely this simple. This is not an exhaustive list and there can be many more reasons that someone doesn't leave.
Fear
Leaving an abusive relationship is incredibly dangerous. More often than not, this is the time when the abuser escalates in an attempt to scare their victim into staying.
Isolation
Abusers will often isolate their victims; this makes it harder for them to access support and as a result, they are entirely dependant upon the abuser for food, money, housing, and so much more.
Fear of not being believed
Oftentimes, abusers will appear kind and charming at first. Further into the relationship, they will deny or minimise the behaviour, or even blame the victim. As a result, victims of domestic abuse aren't often believed.
Societal Pressure
There is often an unspoken expectation that the victim needs to stay and attempt to repair the relationship. There are also societal justifications, such as the abuser "didn't mean it" or "they said sorry". It may seem harmless but it inadvertently pressures the victims into staying; it makes them feel as if the abuse is their fault and they deserve it.
Barriers
The abuser will often strip their victims of any independence they might have, such as financial independence, a social life and so on. As a result, the victim is often unable to leave as they may not have any money to support themselves and/or their children or anywhere to live.
Emotional Attachment
Abusers aren't monsters from the start. At the beginning of the relationship, they're everything you could want in a partner; kind, caring, empathetic. This is the person the victim falls in love with. During the relationship, the abuser gradually starts to and then amp ups challenging behaviour to see what you will tolerate, mixing in good moments as well as bad as a way to manipulate the victim into staying.
Mariska Hargitay
Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step
Elizabeth Gilbert
The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying, and the the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving
Jeanne McElvaney
Survivors of abuse show us the strength of their personal spirit every time they smile