Separational Abuse
Separational abuse refers to the control, intimidation and manipulation from an abuser once the relationship has ended. There are many forms of separational abuse, including financial control, legal harassment, stalking, emotional manipulation, or using children as leverage. Abuse rarely stops after leaving; it often escalates, making the time post-separation one of the most dangerous periods for victims. However, it is important to remember that there is help available.
Signs of Separational
Abuse
Once a person has left an abusive relationship, there can be many signs that they are experiencing separational abuse, including harassment, stalking, repeated court hearings, and using children to manipulate them or maintain control. Someone experiencing separational abuse may experience hopelessness and exhaustion as they have no time to process what is currently happening, let alone what they have already been through.
The Danger of Post-Separation Abuse
The period after leaving an abusive relationship is when abusers will often escalate their behaviour to regain control. They do this in many ways, including threats, intimidation, harassment, and violence. This can make it the most dangerous time for a survivor of domestic violence, but it is important to remember that support is available every step of the way.
Breaking Free from Separational Abuse
It may seem like the abuse will never end because you’ve already done the brave thing and left, and yet it continued, but you are not alone. It is possible to break free. Contact your local police, 101 or 999, depending on the severity. If you need mental health support, contact your GP to arrange counselling. The Available Services page has a list of contact support services.
So what does Separational Abuse look like?
Harassment
This is where someone repeatedly makes you feel distressed with their behaviour. This can be done virtually through threatening or abusive messages, phone calls or comments left on social media posts. It can also look like in-person bullying
This is where someone repeatedly makes you feel distressed with their behaviour. This can be done virtually through threatening or abusive messages, phone calls or comments left on social media posts. It can also look like in-person bullying.
Stalking
This refers to when an abuser is obsessed with their ex-partner after a relationship and behaves in a way that is threatening. This can involve following their movements in person or online, potentially showing up to places they know they’ll be uninvited, including their home.
Legal
Abuse
Abusers will sometimes use the legal system to further their harassment. One way they will do this is by dragging their victim through court multiple times for often falsified claims or custody hearings, regardless of whether or not they are a fit parent.
This is when the abuser controls how the victim spends or accesses money. This can include running debt in the victims name, not letting them work or refusing to pay bills.
Manipulation through children or pets
The abuser may steal, withhold access to or sell the pets as a way to attempt to control the victim. With children, this is also known as parental alienation. Parental alienation is when one parent, typically the abuser, makes negative comments and encourages disrespect or defiance towards the other parent. This tends to lead to a breakdown in the relationship between the other parent and the child(ren).